


Alone

by BigJellyMonster (orphan_account)



Series: AU Sorcerer Squall [3]
Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Cutting, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, sorcerer Squall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-19 23:17:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7381501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/BigJellyMonster





	Alone

Sitting on the lone bed in his dorm room, Squall held the blade loosely in his hand. It was a present for his birthday last year. A lion was etched into the handle with his initials fused into the design. It wouldn’t do him any good in a real battle, but it was perfect for what he needed to do.

His friends had left him again. All gone, all promising to write or call. “We’ll make it up to you, Squall. You’ll see.” But nothing had changed. They had gone and left him behind again and again. At first he was alright with their situation. He needed to be watched, and capable SeeD members were on short supply nowadays.

Their contact had slowly lessened, until it was an honest surprise when he received a simple letter from them. Nothing too long, just a simple. “We miss you. See you soon.” But it was never to be. Nothing but empty promises filled their messages.

He just felt so empty now. When they were all together during the war, his future looked so bright. He no longer had to fear being alone, because his friends would be right next to him. With their memories back, they could pick up where they left off and nothing could stand in their way.

Nothing except Squall becoming the new face of the enemy.

They should have just left him in that prison. At least then, he would no longer feel the passage of time. He would be in an eternal sleep, never having to wonder when the next time he would receive a visitor.

He hated feeling so unwanted. So needy. It made him feel like a child again, crying for his sis in the rain or chasing after her only to be scolded by matron.

Oh, how he wished they would at least let him have Shiva back. Then, she could take away his memories and he could go back to the way he was. Alone and content. At least then he wouldn’t hurt so much.

Stealing a GF was his first choice, but he thought that would be too much of a hassle. His second choice was to use some of his magic. That _always_ made him feel happy. At least it made him feel something other than this _hurt_ that seemed to have become a constant in his life.

This third choice was resting in his hands. He had heard of people doing this before and although he thought it strange then, he was willing to try anything now.

His sleeves were already rolled back. No one would ever find them; his arms were always covered. He gently pressed the blade to his wrist and slid it across. The blood rolled off his skin and onto the floor. It was almost hypnotizing to watch. Again and again he moved the blade along his wrist until he finally understood.

His loneliness and pain wasn’t washed away, simply dulled in favor of the physical pain he was currently feeling. It was so simple and small; he couldn’t believe he hadn’t tried this before. Squall watched the blood a moment longer before bandaging up the evidence.

He felt like he could breathe again. The weight of his emotions temporarily evaded. Squall hid the dagger under his pillow. It might not have any worth in battle, but now it held the power to his sanity. If he could keep it a secret, he would be able to stand the endless days of abandonment he felt at the hands of his so called friends.

Squall smiled. Maybe there could be a bright future ahead of him after all


End file.
